Teaching Bluejays: Burnout? (Week 13)

During this week of student teaching, I felt the grind of it all for the first time. The weekend before I attended 4-H Capital Days in Harrisburg as a staff member and a guest presenter. I had a wonderful time molding future advocates for agriculture and youth development, but the experience also meant that I was "on" for 2 weeks straight. This past week, my evenings were busy as well. On Monday I lead a workshop for the Snyder County 4-H teen Council, Thursday night I had my PAAE regional meeting. Thorough both of those nights and the 2 others I also spent long hours working on related student teaching materials, grading the many assignments due at the end of the marking period, and preparing future lessons. To add to the pressure, my truck is off the road at the moment, and I need to figure out how to get it fixed. By Friday, when we traveled to our area Forestry, Wildlife, and Aquatics CDEs, my mental capacity was pretty well shot. I want to briefly reflect on why this may have happened, and how I will try to prevent burn out in the future.

I believe it starts with an understanding of how much ag teachers have on their plate, and a feeling of guilt that comes with taking personal time. As I reach the end of student teaching, the reality of everything that is still due turns on the pressure. Not only do I have the responsibilities of a full-time teacher, but I have the expectations of the university to fulfill as well. I have been working diligently on my Penn State Requirements, but some kind of last-minute stress is pretty unavoidable. I spent my early weeks focusing on my daily teaching responsibilities and goals. Now that I am in the swing of teaching, I am thankful to have lessons prepared well in advance that I can fall back on. However, some responsibilities like grading assignments in a timely manner still persist.

By the time I complete my first priority items (those associated with meeting my students on a daily basis) I have limited will power to complete my secondary items. What ends up happening is a a vicious cycle:

• due to decreased performance, I spend more time on these items than I should
• that leads to less being accomplished in the same amount of time
• now there is more work to do in the future
• more work means less "me time" to recharge if I want to meet deadlines
• that means there is a decreased performance in future, and it repeats from the top.

I start to feel a sense of guilt for times I was not being productive, such as talking during lunch as opposed to grading papers while I eat, or the inevitable minutes I am distracted while trying to complete work, or occasionally welding for 45min after school to provide a break from all the pressure. I have gotten better at recognizing when there is no longer any benefit to "pushing though" tired, but the pressure of the final weeks causes me to look ignore that sometimes. Staying up till 1am and spending 3 hours to do 1.5 hours of normal work is still accomplishing the task. It is better than going to bed at 11 and spending those 1.5 hours on the task tomorrow because that eats in to what I need to accomplish tomorrow and pushes it back. Right?

I was proud of my ability to split productive work time and me time at the beginning of student teaching, but now I feel guilty for not doing more. And I know I can always look back with 20/20 hind-sight. But I want to look back being proud of what I accomplished. I have made sacrifices, such as a few weeks of working on assignments instead of going to the races (my favorite weekly break from it all). 

My one ag teacher friends from my National Ambassador team shared this article on Facebook this week. It was timely, and I think my first real step to understanding how I feel and creating solutions. Check it out: HERE

When I get in to this situation, I start to feel helpless, like I am the only one who can help myself. My thoughts would be along the lines of "well I am the only one who can write my lessons for me or sleep for me, so what can anybody do." I think as teachers we spend so much time helping others that we forget to let others help us. This week my friends and family forced themselves in to my life to help me. Even if it was in the littlest of ways, it still helped. My parents let me drive the van for the week, and my uncle gave my dad his second car to use instead. My friend Josh gave my best friend Will a ride to my parent's house, and Will took my truck to fix it so I don't have to worry about being there for it to get done. My dad drove to Bloomsburg Friday night to buy me a good dinner, let me vent about all my stress, and gave me food so I don't have to worry about having immediate access to food next week. The driver I help at the races told me not to feel guilty about not making it, because teaching is how I will pay the bills. Even if I still have the same tasks to complete in the same amount of time, I am thankful to have those side distractions taken care of. 

Bottom line, I know I need to improve with time management. Mostly in the area of how to get done what I need to in a timely passion so I can guarantee some me-time (and sleep...). I am realizing how much others can and want to help me on this journey. (even those who seem to be the source of the stress in the first place, and whose help only causes more stress. But I digress...)

I have good vibes about my ability to manage my own burnout in the closing weeks, and intend to enjoy every single minute of it, not matter how happy or stressfull. Student teaching is almost over. I can do this.